Why am I an Atheist?

As I mentioned in my introductory post, I am an atheist. I do not believe in deities or in 'revelations' being given to mankind. I am learning to prefer the self-labeling of 'secular humanist', as I believe it is better to go by what I do believe rather than what I do not. But what brought me on this journey from fundamentalist Christian to liberal Christian to slightly confused deist to atheism to humanism? A few acquaintances – some friends, some family – have proposed their own theories.

There is the theory that I have “rejected” god or somehow “hardened my heart” towards him. The gentler side of this theory, but no less annoying, is: “Even if you don’t love Jesus, he still loves you!”

There is the theory that I am just “doing it” to “rebel” or “get attention.”

There’s also the theory that I was looking for reasons to disbelieve. Which apparently goes along with the theory that I wanted “permission” to “sin”.

Each of those theories has its own fallacy. It is impossible to reject something in which you do not believe. If I said I did not believe that there was a giant purple tea pot in orbit around the earth, would I then be accused of rejecting the giant purple tea pot?

I’m a notorious introvert with a strong desire to blend in and be accepted, so why in the world would I be wanting attention for something that many feel is negative?

As for the third, the reason is actually the exact opposite. I was looking for a reason to believe. By the way, I’m still working on the major increase in “sin” that was supposed to happen. For some reason, I haven’t seemed to get anywhere with that! What is wrong with me?

Ahem. Back to topic.

You see, the more I learned about the history of Christianity, especially the formative years, and the more I learned about religion and the more I read the Bible, the more Christianity I was forced to throw out. When I enrolled in TH 220 at SMWC, The Hebrew Scriptures, I was thrilled.

Now I’m going to learn something! I thought excitedly. This is where it all began, this is how I’m going to find out exactly what my faith is about and exactly what God had in mind for the world. I believed that the oldest recording of my faith had to be the most accurate.

Instead I found contradictions, faith-based atrocities, and a god that is far closer to a paranoid and controlling schizophrenic than a genuine awe-inducing deity.

I became an atheist because I had an honest desire to know the truth. I wanted to learn and I was hungry for actual knowledge – historical, contextual, political – about my religion.

Churches often stifle this desire by declaring doubt to be unacceptable. Remember Thomas? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe, or whatever the heck it says. Blind faith held up as a virtue. Thomas is the real hero of that story and Jesus is the impatient, sleep-deprived parent snapping, “Don’t ask questions! Why do you always have to know everything?!”

And yet, most of us have a desire to know from the moment we take a breath. Would a deity or “intelligent designer” truly create a species with an intense desire to know and then smack them for being inquisitive?

*Ouch! I’m sorry! Ouch! Please stop! I won’t ask again! I promise!!! Damn it, God, stop hitting me!!!*